Brief summary

"Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss shows how negotiation techniques from FBI practice can be applied to professional and everyday life. The author explains how to read people, recognize emotions, and guide them effectively to reach sustainable agreements. The book offers concrete methods for steering conversations, building trust, and using conflict productively without making compromises that harm one's own goals.

General ideas

• A “Negotiation One Sheet” should be prepared before every negotiation.

• Conflict is a central component of every negotiation and should be actively embraced.

• People need to realize what they really want.

• Creative solutions arise through confrontation and active listening.

Contents

Negotiation One Sheet

Before every negotiation, an overview of all planned tools should be created. The Negotiation One Sheet consists of the following elements:

• Goal:

  An assessment of what could happen in the best-case and worst-case scenarios during the negotiation. A list of goals to be achieved in the best-case scenario, written down in a way that allows you to take them with you into the negotiation.

• Summary:

  Key points include summarizing all relevant facts, assumptions about the opposing side's motives, and presenting their situation. The goal is for the opposing side to respond to the summary with "That's correct."

• Labels and Accusation Audit:

  A list of questions to test your own assumptions. These questions focus on the other person's situation, values, and goals. Questions are formulated using labels, for example, "It seems as if..."

• Calibrated Questions:

  Asking targeted questions helps to uncover potential obstacles or risks.

  “How” and “what” questions promote insight and cooperation, such as “How should we implement this?” or “What do we want to achieve with it?”.

• Noncash Offers:

  A list of non-monetary offers can help convince the other party. The focus is on what is valuable to them.

10 concepts for successful negotiation

1. The New Rules

   The first step in any negotiation is to calm the situation, build trust, and verbalize needs. People want to be understood, so active listening is essential.

   Negotiating means gathering information and influencing behavior.

2. Be a Mirror

   The focus is on the other person. By mirroring their words and body language, trust is built. Speaking slowly and calmly creates a sense of security and opens the way to important information.

   
   

   Three voice types:

   The positive, playful voice is standard. It creates a relaxed atmosphere and fosters trust. The deep, calm "Late-Night FM DJ" voice soothes in critical moments. The direct and assertive voice is only used in confrontations.

   Mirroring:

   Repeating the other person's last words strengthens the relationship and keeps the conversation open.

   Confronting without confrontation:

   Sensitive topics should be addressed gently. Use a calm voice, begin with "I'm sorry...", reflect back what you've said, and allow for short pauses.

3. Label Their Pain

   The first step is to establish a connection. This involves acknowledging the other person's worries and fears and showing empathy. This lowers their defenses and opens the way to genuine dialogue.

   Tactical Empathy

   Empathy means actively addressing the other person's perspective. Phrases like "It seems as if..." help to validate emotions and build trust.

4. Mastering "No"

   A "no" is not a failure, but the beginning of a genuine negotiation. It shows that the other person is seeking security. A "no" is followed by solution-oriented questions such as, "What would need to happen for it to work?"

   Early “no” questions like “Is this a bad time?” convey a sense of control.

   
   

   Three types of "yes":

   False yes: agreement without intent. Affirmative yes: agreement without obligation. Binding yes: genuine commitment.

   The goal is always a binding "yes".

5. “That’s right” instead of “You’re right”

   A genuine "That's right" shows understanding. "You're right" is usually just an attempt to close the deal.

   The goal should therefore be to get a "That's correct" from the other person.

   
   

   Active Listening:

   Pauses, brief confirmations, and repetitions keep the conversation flowing. Emotions and content from the other party should be actively mirrored.

6. Bend Their Reality

   Good negotiations avoid compromises. Creative solutions create added value for both sides.

   The term "fair" makes others defensive and must be used carefully.

   Transparency regarding fairness from the outset protects trust.

   A clear anchor point influences perception. A conversation should begin with an anchor point that describes what is at stake.

   Specific figures appear more credible than round amounts. Small gifts increase the perceived value.

7. Create an Illusion of Control

   Instead of direct questions, open-ended, solution-oriented "how" and "what" questions are used. This gives the other person the feeling of retaining control. For example: "How am I supposed to do that?" or "How is that supposed to work?" Soft formulations like "maybe" or "it seems" defuse conflicts. Attacks should be answered with questions to de-escalate the situation.

8. Guarantee Execution

   The goal is to secure agreements.

   Instead of responding to offers with "no", one should respond with "how" questions or politely decline and apologize.

   Body language and tone of voice are crucial. According to the 7-38-55 rule , words are only perceived seven percent of the time; the rest is conveyed through voice and expression.

   Lies can often be recognized by excessive use of words and the use of third pronouns.

9. Bargain Hard

   Following the application of the previous techniques, the strategic conflict ensues. Thorough preparation is crucial. The concept of ZOPA is avoided; instead, an extreme anchor is set to shift the negotiating framework.

   
   

   Three negotiation types:

   The analyst works methodically, avoids surprises, and needs time. Information is only shared in exchange for something in return.

   The Accommodator seeks harmony, loves communication, and strives for win-win situations. Relationships and ideas are central.

   The assertive person sees time as money, wants to be heard, and needs respect before listening.

   
   

   Ackerman Plan:

   This method uses tiered offers:

   An initial offer at 65 percent of the target price. This is followed by three increases to 85, 95, and finally 100 percent. Empathy and precise, unrounded figures increase credibility. An unsolicited additional offer signals the end point (non-cash offers).

   
   

   I-Messages

   Clearly state your own boundaries, for example "I feel uncomfortable when…".

10. Find the Black Swan

    Black swans are unknown, hidden pieces of information that can decisively influence negotiations. They are dangerous for negotiations and manifest themselves through subtle contradictions, pauses, or emotional reactions.

    
    

    These insights are used to uncover hidden motives and to strategically steer the negotiation process. There are several types of leverage that can be achieved in this way.

    
    

    Types of levers:

    Positive: The ability to offer something the other person wants. Negative : The ability to take away something the other person doesn't want to lose. Normative: Arguments that appeal to the person's norms or values and thereby convince them.